on da way down is playing.

its wednesday today. sth's changed. my outlook of life maybe. my take on the things dat haf happened to me and da pple ard me. i cant say exactly wat though. cuz i cant seem to find da rite words. but one things for sure. ive somehow become more confident. stronger in a sense. more resilient. cuz maybe. juz maybe. im starting to face up to my past.

i haven blogged in days. and its not cuz i had no time or dat i didnt want to. so much had happened since monday. its juz dat everytime i sat before da screen. da words didnt flow. and wadeva dat was able to come out didnt feel...like me. its been hard. stuff's happened. certain memories keep coming back. i dun think they'll ever go away. but their resurfacing has been especially strong these past few days. maybe cuz of da photos. maybe cuz now ive got my own room. ive got all da time in da world to spend alone time wif myself. maybe its cuz she keeps bringing them up. maybe maybe maybe.

it seems so unreal at times. like alomost im a bystander looking into someone elses life. budden when i look at da photos. her face. her hair. her smile. da way she looked when she was enjoying herself. da way she sulked. she's ard me. everywhere. and da most vivid memory i haf of her is da way she used to rushed to da door to greet me when i came back from school. every single day. she never failed to greet me with dat smile of hers. hair bouncing all abt. arms out stretched. in preparartion for a hug.

i miss her so much. my fallen angel.

Clear skies,
Chimes tinkling as the soft wind blows
But my tears,
they cant stop falling..

Im thinking of you,
your smile, your laugh.
Behind my smile there is a sorrow so deep,
even the hugest of tidal waves wont be able to wash away..

Our memories will forever be etched in my mind.
Nothing will ever displace it.
Im falling deeper, deeper
into my own little world
where only you and me exist..

Where are you, my child,
I miss you.
Ive alwaez believed in fate
But this time round,
Im not so sure..

Im looking to the starz for direction,
Im calling out to the angelz for answers.
Guide me Lord,
Towards the acceptance of my lost,
of this fallen angel,
Nishtha Ruth Davamoni..

i love you nishi. forever and ever.

to you my dear fren: i love you. thank you. for listening. and for being you. i'll alwaez be here if ever you need me.