Tuesday, January 04, 2005
an jing is playing.
**da following post is not realli meant for public understanding. its just reflections on my part. :)
first day of sch. and there i was. getting into many many wierd conversations abt da topics of choosing between going to poly and jc. and also about da regrets of last year and all it brought along wif it.
izzit just me? or is everyone just talking abt da same thing. maybe its just an ogl thingy. seeing dat all we'll be dealing wif for da next week are gonna be da freshies who will no doubt start asking you abt your opinions of jc life. on poly life. on mjc life. on moving-on-from-sec-sch life..
part 1. do i regret coming to jc?
in actual fact, seeing dat i wanna be an interior designer when i grow up. my place should haf been founded in a poly. was it realli da so called 'fantasy island' dat one of my frenz put it across dat made me stay on? *'fantasy island' here refers to our most wonderfulest 1st 3mths experience spent here* honestly speaking. i guess in a way yes. but on da other hand. i never realli considered da option of going to poly. was i too (overly?) caught up wif da idea of going to jc since just about everyone around me was chossing dat path? was it cuz i being to dat percentage of pple who think da poly can never mtch up to jc. (i would highly disregard da above statement though..). or was ot cuz i trulie wanted to come to a jc. which makes absolutely no sense since my future job would need no requirements from jc.
hmmm. i think sth's happening to my brain. im not sure if im even making any sense here. and seeing dat i haf already landed myself into a point-of-no-return situation (As is 11 mths..). i better stop my myself from doing too much questioning..
moving on to part 2 of my days conversations. regrets about last year..
did i over-think certain situations? yes. lost a fren..
did i restraint da person i am inside in order not to get entangled up into unwanted trouble? on certain occassions im sure i must haf.
did i not immerse fully into wadeva i was doing? im totally guilty of this. didnt study hard enough. and i'll alwaez remb my match against acjc. da one match dat caused me a clean sheet this yr.. and i wish we'd won best dressed for our hippie costumes on love meridian day i guess..
did i not enjoy to da max each and every waking moment i spent doing stuff wif da wonderful pple and some not-so wonderful pple ard me? when da feelings of exhileration came naturally. yes i did. but when it didnt. at least i tried? sometimes i just gave up and let myself wallow in self-misery though..
did i make new frenz? yes! :) and some frenships im bent on making them last a lifetime!
did i try out new stuff? no one would haf expected me to become an ogl. or to take up a lerdership position.. cuz ive alwaez been da quiet one. da follower.. :p
did i..break any hearts? haha. i think i did. ;) and lastly.
did i spend too much time missing my sec sch life. my sec sch frenz? and in turn end up missing out on certain things? im extremely guilty of the missing my sec sch/frenz charge. but i dun feel no feelings of guilt watsoever towards this action. cuz dats who i was at dat time. and seriously. nth in da world could haf made me not miss them at dat point in time. and abt da missing out on certain things charge. like i said. nth in da world could haf stopped me from missing them during those points in time. but yar. i guess i would haf missed out on certain stuff. but i'll never know wun i. since i'll never actually get to know wat i missed out on.
da fren i was talking abt this did regret doing my final statement in da paragraph above. she regretted missing her sec sch life and her sec sch frenz too much. i think to da point of missing out on (alot of) stuff? im not dat sure. but i dun. its kinda like an unthinkable thought. not because im ashamed(cant find da rite word..) or anything liddat. but because its so far from da truth. i missed my sec sch den. i miss it now. and i think i'll alwaez miss it. da security. da atmosphere. da difference is unexplainable. undescribable. or maybe. one day i'll just find myself out of love wif my sec sch life and in love instead wif my jc life. this thought seems highly improbably at da moment. but who knows rite. onli this day. if it ever does come. will onli be after i leave college. and so da whole cycle begins again. vicious yea..
da freakin irony of life is so unfathomable sometimes it can get you so unbearably irritated!
finally for my conclusions.
to part 1: i guess my answer's gona haf to be no. i dun regret coming to jc. i still do feel this incredibly attractness to da courses in jc each time i read abt it. or each time i happen to see an exibition by those students during da open houses. but yea. i want to be at ease wif myself. so yup. no regrets! :)
to part 2: i do haf regrets. but they're not da kind dat had da power to destroy my life. i wish i'd studied harder. and thankfully. i still haf this year to make it all up to myself. i wish i hadnt frozen duing dat match. one of my life's greatest insults. and this year. im gonna make sure i dun. so yup. no regrets i cant make up for! :)
thank you to da two of you dat i had da following conversations wif. i haf been enlightened abt certain stuffs. i love you both very much! :)
and thank you my little brain. for finding da rite words my heart was trying to tell me. my priorities wouldnt haf seemed as clear if it hadnt been for you. :p
to da many many pple who made my today a very happie first day of school. thank you!! haha. ive missed your smiles. and huggs! and da times just spent hanging ard you guyz. and boy haf i missed all da activity gg on and noise ringing thru da canteen! haha. i hope, despite da lessons starting already, dat you guys had just as wonderful a first day of sch as i had! x)
and to my
castor pple and my little freshies. da real orientation onli start tml. all da way yar. love you'll! :)
castor rocks!! esp
castor 3! :)
bye bye! :)
Posted by paint me purple_ at 12:06 AM
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